Clan of the Uzumaki
by Stormy1x2
Summary: A drabble series featuring 'slice of life' bits post/skipping a LOT of crap from the series. Why? Because I can. Summary: Naruto's bringing his family name back into the spotlight and he'll take on anyone who tries to stop him. He's also building his clan in rather unorthodox ways, but 'eh', say the Rookies, '..that's just Naruto'.
1. Chapter 1

**Note:** I am not a huge fan on how Naruto continued so consider this an extreme AU. Basically, Sasuke left, Naruto did go train with Jiraiya, Tsunade became Hokage, Naruto went to find Sasuke again and the two of them killed Orochimaru which meant Sasuke came back to the village. Naruto went so DBZ later on it was hilarious so the only things I'm using are Gaara becoming Kazekage (keeping the One-Tail), Akatsuki being destroyed (hello death of Itachi and most of those ridiculously super-powered missing-nins) and the Rookie 9 finally have made Chuunin. Neiji, Asuma and Jiraiya live. Hey, I said this was an AU and it is definitely not one to take seriously. In fact, most of the details don't MATTER because this is a 'slice of life' series and I have no interest in changing that. I just don't want to hear a thousand people tell me 'don't you know Asuma was killed?' and ' but Kurenai is dead too!' and of course, the 'you can't do that, Hiden was immortal and Deidara this and Black/White Zetsu blah blah blah'. I. Don't. Care. This is a silly little series that popped into my head and I wanted to write.

 **Tl;dr** – slice of life series post-shippuden AU where most of Naruto hasn't happened yet and most likely won't. Want to hear long rants about Pein and Tobi and deaths and six paths and Sage modes etc? Look elsewhere. Want to see Naruto and the Rookie 9 changing the village for the better little by little? Read on.

Also 2 points to the first person who tells me which famous book I spoofed my title from. :)

* * *

 **Clan of the Uzumaki**

* * *

Naruto fought to remain calm. Sakura, Sasuke and Iruka had all helped him put this together. As long as he remained calm, he could do this. He had the right and the heritage to do this. All he had to do was stay calm.

"One member does not make a clan," Homura stated with finality, glaring at Naruto with hate-filled eyes. He didn't even look at the paper that had been submitted by Naruto for his perusal. "You cannot simply pull one out of thin air."

Naruto growled, low in his throat. Next to him, Sasuke tapped his arm in silent warning. Naruto shot his partner a questioning look, asking permission; Sasuke closed his eyes, and then nodded. "What of the Uchiha clan?" Naruto snapped back. "As he is the last one, doesn't this mean Sasuke doesn't have a clan?"

"The Uchiha is a different case," Koharu said coldly. "The Uchiha is part of the founders of Konohagakure itself. That they were all killed does not remove the legality of their established name."

"The Uzumaki clan is just as old," Naruto fired back. "My mother, wife of the Yondaime, could trace her lineage – and therefore _mine_ – back to the founding of Leaf as well." He smirked. "Your argument is invalid." Sasuke tapped his arm again, and Naruto huffed out a deep breath, trying to calm down. "And I am not the only member," he continued, trying to inject confidence into his voice. "Uzuki Yugao changed her name after losing her family. I talked to her – she is willing to switch back to Uzumaki, should I get permission to revive my clan."

Sitting between Homura and Koharu, Danzo glared at him, and swivelled his gaze to rest upon Sakura who stared back evenly. "Well done, child," he eventually said, somewhat scathingly. "You've taught the animal to speak properly."

A litany of protests from the gathered Jounin, Chuunin, assorted ANBU, and the clan heads that fell on Naruto's side exploded. Rather than respond to Danzo, Sakura instantly grabbed hold of Naruto's jacket. At the same time, Sasuke thrust an arm in front of Naruto, effectively barring his way. From behind, a hand slapped itself over Naruto's mouth – Naruto knew it was Shikamaru, his friend, which was the only thing that saved the pineapple-head from losing his fingers. Sakura jerked him closer. "Not a word, Naruto," she hissed directly into his ear. "He's trying to provoke you into losing your temper. Don't let him."

Naruto struggled for a moment and then went limp in her grasp. Sakura would never betray him or give him bad advice, he knew. Shikamaru, who had accompanied them as backup and was now a silent show of support, removed his hand. Sasuke, feeling Naruto's aura go down, nudged lightly with his shoulder before lowering his arm back to his side. "Breathe, idiot. Don't react."

"I know," Naruto gritted out between clenched teeth. He tried to swallow the ball of rage choking his throat. "I _know_."

Sakura gave him a final quelling look, and then turned back to Danzo. "As for needing more clan members..." Sakura shrugged, and pulled a file folder from the stack that had been given to her by Iruka before the meeting had been called to order. "Naruto, as clan head of the Uzumaki, has approved my petition for adoption into the clan as his sister."

Another noisy eruption of complaints rocked the large conference hall. Naruto ignored it all and looked across the room to Tsunade who was blank-faced – save for the moment she met his eyes and winked. It had been no bombshell for her, considering she had signed the papers for the village records.

Homura glared at Sakura. "Explain yourself."

Sakura shrugged. "My parents have never truly accepted me as a kunoichi. After nearly twelve years of Ninja Academy, official missions with Team Seven, and spending three years under the tutelage of Hokage-sama, they are now pressuring me to quit and begin life as a proper lady in the civilian sector. I refuse." Her gaze switched to Koharu. "I am within my rights as a recognized adult of the village and as a shinobi to decide which family I want to be in, if they will have me." Naruto grasped her hand and squeezed it once before letting go. She opened her chuunin vest and revealed an orange spiral that had been sewn onto the front of her blue, long-sleeved shirt. "I am Uzumaki Sakura now."

"That's three members," Tsunade said lazily, glancing at the purple-faced Homura. The smile on her face was growing. The voices grew louder.

"Four." Sasuke's voice cut through the din and smacked everyone into silence.

Danzo turned white. "What?"

Sasuke shrugged and pulled out a folder, similar to Sakura's. "Uzumaki Sasuke." He smirked Koharu who looked like she was only moments away from dropping dead, and then aimed it at Danzo who was so stunned, he fell back into his council seat with a loud thud. "Nice to meet you."

For the third time, the room exploded into shouts of protest and cursing so creative that Naruto was tempted to pull out a piece of paper to take down notes. Tsunade wasn't even trying to hide her glee anymore. "I thought you were going to wait, Sasuke," Naruto muttered as an aside to his team mate.

Sasuke shrugged. "Seems like a good time to me."

Homura was definitely choking on something. "Explain!" he wheezed, his fists clenched, one on the desk he sat behind, and one pounding his chest.

Sakura cocked her head to the side. "Tsunade-sama, should I help him?"

Tsunade waved her words away. "He's fine." The silent _unfortunately_ was heard by everyone. "Tell the people, Sasuke."

The council members were shooting Tsunade shocked and angry looks but they were directed back to the last Uchiha as he began to speak.

"The Uchiha clan is dead," he said calmly. The bitterness that was so common to hear in his voice was gone, replaced by what the council might hear as coldness, but what Naruto and his friends recognized as deep weariness. "I have spent years as an avenger, losing my mind and nearly my body as a result. My brother was told to destroy the clan to prevent them from turning on Konoha." He took a deep shuddering breath, and Naruto reached a hand out just enough to touch Sasuke's arm, grounding him enough to allow him to continue. Sakura did the same thing from the other side. Sasuke raised his eyes again. Staring straight into Danzo's. "With my brother dead, I am truly the last Uchiha. I do not want nor do I need the pressure of reviving a clan by myself – a clan that disgraced itself. I am... tired of it. Naruto has offered me a fresh start, and I have accepted his offer to become a member of the Uzumaki clan." Sasuke copied Sakura's move and opened his Chuunin vest to reveal the same orange spiral on the front of his black t-shirt.

Tsunade stood up abruptly and everyone's mouths slammed closed. "I already knew about this, and it is their decision to make," she declared. "I've already made the changes in the village records so don't bother coming to me to protest." Three council members stood up, ready to protest and Tsunade pointed her finger at them. They sat back down. "That makes four Uzumaki clan members, which means any other argument is out the window. Naruto is eighteen which means he's of age to assume clan leadership. As far as I'm concerned, the brats can do what they like as long as they follow shinobi law to do it. Meeting adjourned."

Sasuke and Sakura handed their folders to Naruto who handed the final copy of the paperwork needed to restore his clan to Tsunade who accepted it and then told them to get lost. The last thing Naruto heard before they _shunshinned_ out of the conference room was a long, loud, shriek of rage coming from Homura.

Then they were outside. Naruto blinked in the sunlight, a little dizzy at the prospect of having won an argument against the same council that had been against his very existence from the day he'd been born and wavered. Sakura gripped his arm. "Are you all right?"

He nodded, breathing heavily. "Gimme a sec?"

Shikamaru tapped him on the shoulder. "I'm under orders to go tell the rest of the 'rookies' what happened," he said lazily, stifling a yawn with his shirt sleeve. "I suggest going home and taking it easy."

"Where is home?" Naruto asked, furrowing his brow. "My apartment won't fit more than me for any length of time, and Sakura just cut her last ties to her family for good back there. We were supposed to figure something out but the council decided to convene quickly to prevent us from having time to get everything ready." He blinked, and then gave everyone a dopey grin. "Not that it worked."

Sasuke punched him – lightly – on the arm. When Naruto whipped his head around to yell, he was struck by the sheer... _mischief,_ shining in Sasuke's eyes for just a moment. His tone, however, remained the same. "I have an idea about that..."

* * *

 **End**


	2. Locatio, Location, Location

**Title:** Location, Location, Location

 **Word Count:** 924

 **Note:** Still having fun with this, therefore, am still writing it.

* * *

 **Location, Location, Location**

* * *

"I think it's a great idea!" Sakura said with a nod. She was surveying the property with her hands on her hips. "Naruto, what do you think?"

The blonde-haired ninja was crouched on top of the brick fence, scowling in the same direction. "I think it's morbid and creepy." Sasuke shoved him off the wall. Naruto screeched in outrage before impacting the ground with his head. A moment later he was back on his feet and scrabbling back up the fence to scream obscenities into Sasuke's face. Sasuke retaliated with another shove, and followed him down.

Sakura sighed as she watched them roll around the overgrown grass and weeds, punching, kicking, grappling – was Naruto _biting_? - and gave them a not-so-little kick as they neared her, sending them both head first into a hedge that desperately needed trimming. She then returned to her scanning of the former Uchiha complex. The grounds would require a great deal of work. Idly she wondered what it cost to hire a few Genin teams to come do it for them...

After Itachi's... _mission_... years ago, the Sandaime had sent teams of Genin and Chuunin in to clean out each home and seal it up. All keepsakes, mementos, clothing and other personal goods were all stored in one of the storage facilities near the end of the compound – mostly furniture remained. Sasuke's idea to refurbish the Uchiha complex into the Uzumaki complex was a good idea – as long as Sasuke was completely okay with it.

She glanced at her boys crawling out from the hedge, still hissing and spitting at each other like a pair of wet cats and stifled a grin. Sasuke had been edgy since they'd arrived even though it had been his idea, and Naruto, failing to discern another way to cheer him up, had been picking fights with him at each new house they reviewed.

Most of them would stay closed up for the time-being, but they could open up three of them and settle in quite easily. Sasuke would likely keep the same, smaller house he'd lived in more or less since he was seven years old, and had been urging Naruto to take the main house, where the clan head should live. It certainly had a large enough training ground for Naruto to practice his many different bunshin attacks. "Sasuke. Are you sure about this?"

Sasuke pulled away from where he'd been dragged into a staring contest with Naruto – the latter who immediately began shouting that he was the winner as though he were eight instead of eighteen – and stood up. He gave Naruto a kick in the shoulder, knocking the blonde over again, and then joined her by the fence. "Yes, I'm sure. The clan head should live in the main house – even if the clan head is _him_." He rolled his eyes at Naruto who joined them, dusting himself off.

"If I move into that huge house by myself, I am painting all the walls orange," Naruto announced.

Sasuke blanched for a moment – and then, to Sakura and Naruto's immense surprise, he began to laugh. Real laughs, not smirky-coughs disguised behind his hands, but actual belly laughs, until he was bent over howling. Naruto watched in shock. "Oi, Sasuke..." He waved his hands frantically at the other teen and then whirled around, gripping Sakura's Chuunin vest. "Sakura, I think I broke Sasuke!"

 _I think you did too._ Sakura blinked, and then blinked again. "Kai," she murmured automatically, hands raised to form the Ram seal.

At the sound of that, Sasuke regained control of himself, and slowly straightened out. The smirk was back but it was tempered with something light this time. He waved at the main house and then looked back at them, amusement still visible in his eyes, if not his face. "I was just imagining my father walking into the main house and seeing vivid orange walls." Sasuke shook his head. "The sheer shock value..."

Sakura felt tears prickling the back of her eyes and she viciously wrenched them back, refusing to turn this into a somber moment. Sasuke was talking about his family and for once it didn't have a bitter, vengeful or angry tinge to it. "I think that would apply to anyone in Konoha," she said lightly.

Naruto scowled and folded his arms, but Sakura could see the corners of his eyes crinkled with laughter. "There's nothing wrong with orange!"

"If you don't mind a room even a blind person could see," Sasuke shot back.

"Just for that I'm gonna paint the whole house orange!" Naruto shouted, waving his fist. "With green and purple toads!"

"If you do that, I will have to hurt you," Sakura interjected between bouts of giggles she couldn't quite seem to stop. "You can have green and purple toads statues but you can't paint them on a house."

"Statues..." Naruto's eyes gleamed. "Hell yeah! Can I paint the kitchen black and white like a cow? 'Cause, y'know, that's where the milk lives."

"Never become an interior decorator," Sasuke sniped, shaking his head. "Our enemies would be too busy laughing at us to attack."

Sakura watched her boys verbally lambast each other back and forth and leaned her head back, casting her gaze up past the treetops to the blue canopy above. She shaded her eyes with one arm and decided she could learn to like it there very much.

But for now, she had to convince Naruto that he didn't need to offer to make giant slug statues for her.

* * *

 **End**


	3. House Warming

**Title:** House Warming

 **Word Count:** 1200

 **Summary:** Naruto apparently had his first sleepover. From what he can remember – and from who he finds where in his house – apparently it was a good one.

* * *

 **House Warming**

* * *

Naruto slowly opened his eyes and for a brief moment, was convinced he'd been kidnapped and taken from his apartment because this room couldn't belong to him. It was large, with beautifully carved doors that led to a verandah that was bigger than his living room and this just couldn't be.

Then he remembered moving in to the Uchiha – scratch that, the Uzumaki main house the day before and someone dragging him up the stairs after the house warming party. He could hear snoring now, the haze over his mind slowly starting to clear up, and he slowly, painfully gripped the mattress through the sheets and dragged himself to the edge, peering across the floor.

Shikamaru was half in/half out of his closet, fully dressed except for one of his sandals. His arms were folded across his stomach, his head buried under a winter parka Naruto had brought back from Snow country during a mission. The snoring wasn't coming from him.

Naruto flicked his gaze the other way – and stared at the giant wardrobe at the end of the room. Or rather – he stared at the heir to the Inuzuka clan curled up in a ball on top of the wardrobe. One wrong move and he'd fall six feet – which was nothing for a shinobi, but painful for someone not awake enough to brace themselves with chakra. The bureau door was cracked open just enough to let a fluffy white tail hang out – well, no need to search for Akamaru...

This was just weird. Naruto pushed himself up and made himself exit the bed. He opened the door to the bathroom and facefaulted at the sight of Ino, fully dressed, sleeping in the bathtub. "At least she's wearing her clothes," Naruto muttered, and closed the door. Main hall bathroom then.

Exiting the room, he was happy to find this bathroom unoccupied, and he commenced with his morning ablutions including a shower hot enough to boil his skin right off. He redressed in his clothes, and decided to check to see who was in Itachi's old bedroom – aka his new spare room. The door was already cracked, and he looked in to see Lee sprawled face down diagonally across the bed. In between snorts and snores, he was counting. "...fi'e hunnered...fif'y fi'e... fi'e hunnered... fif'y sis..."

A small whistling snore caught his attention and he looked up – Tenten was hanging from the ceiling in a self-made hammock comprised of the bed comforter, four kunai and what appeared to be ninja wire. Her head was tilted over the side and the easy sight of her hair buns were what gave him the key to establishing her identity.

Naruto blinked at the set-up and then shrugged. He saw the balcony door open and went to look – Shino was discovered on the barca lounger Naruto had scrounged up from the depths of someone's basement. His bugs seemed to cover him like a living blanket, and Naruto backed away. He wasn't going near that. Nope, not him. Turing around, he caught sight of Neji's legs sticking out from under the bed. Well, that was another mystery solved then.

He decided to see what had become of the first floor. Going downstairs, he yawned mightily and stretched and then gaped at the sight of his Iruka-sensei cuddling on the couch with Kakashi-sensei – both of them fully dressed, as was everyone else he was thankful to note – but spooning? He had to sit on that couch!

Before he could open his mouth to let out the scream of anguish he could feel building inside him, sound came from the kitchen. He stumbled over – and was immediately ushered into a seat by Hinata-chan. "I hope you don't mind Naruto-kun," she said quietly, giving him a small smile. "I thought I'd make breakfast for everyone."

The Iruka-Kakashi conundrum had to take a backseat to an even more puzzling thought. Naruto scratched his head in confusion. "...I had food?"

"No," Sakura said coming in from the backyard, letting the door shut behind her automatically. "I went shopping. You owe me money for food."

"What are you two doing up so early?" Naruto tilted his head from side to side, trying to crack his neck and resembling a confused puppy as he did so.

"It's not that early." Sakura sighed and moved over, raising her hands. They glowed a soft green, and she began to manipulate his vertebra is just the right way to – CRACK. "Better?"

"Oh, thank you," Naruto sighed. He scrubbed his face with his hands, and accepted a large mug from Hinata. Coffee. Caffeine. Nectar of the gods. "I might actually live now."

Sakura shook her head but grinned as she opened the fridge and pulled out milk and juice. "Put these on the table."

Naruto obeyed. "Where's Sasuke?" he asked in between gulps of coffee. "I found everyone else."

"He's outside training. I told him to come in about fifteen minutes." Sakura nodded at him. "Just enough time for you to go and wake up everyone upstairs." She laughed suddenly. "That was fun, Naruto, I have to admit."

"I'm glad to hear that," Naruto replied. "'Cause I don't remember how everyone ended up there."

Hinata peeked around Sakura. "Umm... after everyone had been drinking for a while... you said, um, that you'd never had a-a-a sleepover before." Her cheeks were bright red with embarrassment. "Ino said that was a terrible thing and decided that everyone would s-s-stay over."

Sakura snickered. "There was a fight for the beds since you only have three. Ino said she had to go to the bathroom and never came back out. Tenten was so drunk she could barely stand up but she said she could use her weapons in any situation and proved it by setting up the ceiling hammock."

"I saw that." Naruto grinned. "Found Neji under the bed, too."

"Oh, um, Lee-kun, um, tried to push Neji-niisan towards the bed, saying he would be happy to take the floor. Um..." Hinata blushed again but couldn't hide her giggle. "Neji-niisan seemed to take it as Lee-kun accusing him of being soft and needing a bed. He a-a-announced he would sleep on the floor and, umm..." The small smile grew on her face. "He tripped over one of the kunai's that Tenten couldn't get to stick the ceiling. He fell and rolled under the bed."

Naruto snickered. "Did Lee get drunk too?"

"I didn't let him," Sakura said, bringing a pile of dishes to the large table. Naruto began placing them. "I had him on 'designated ninja wrangler' duty with Chouji. He helped me get you into your room. Shikamaru decided you deserved your bed. He went straight for the closet and collapsed. And Kiba..." she snickered. "He saw the extra blankets up there and was convinced the top of the bureau was another bed and that you'd made it that high on purpose." She shook her head. "It took him ten minutes and finally ordering Chouji to be a human ladder so he could get up there in one piece."

Naruto burst out laughing. "What about you girls and Sasuke? And where is Chouji anyway?"

Sakura handed out silverware. "Hinata and I took Sasuke's old room, and Chouji and Sasuke opted to sleep in the training hall. Sasuke brought a spare futon over for him." She nodded her head at the window. "He's outside with Sasuke, training."

"I guess it was a good time. I wish I could remember most of it," Naruto sighed. "But it sounds like it was a lot of fun."

"Oh it was," Sakura said with a wink. She held up a small camera. "Don't worry, I made sure we'd have lots of memories. Including a few you may not want." Her smile grew even wider.

Naruto groaned and thunked his head down on the table. Then he smiled against the wood. Embarrassing or not, his first sleepover had apparently been a success.

He couldn't wait to do it again.

* * *

 **End**


	4. Expansion

**Title:** Expansion

 **Word Count:** 1220

 **Note:** This is me, trying in vain to stick something of a plot in here. It may or may not work out. I'm not really concerned about it.

* * *

 **Expansion**

* * *

Sasuke glared at the paper in his hand. As far as he was concerned, Naruto should have been out there with him to do the grocery shopping, but he had disappeared with Sakura to the other end of the shopping district to look at furnishings. If he actually bought everything written on the list and in the specifically mentioned quantities, he was going to have either steal a cart to get it home, or bribe someone to help him. Four crates of instant Ramen? Three kilograms of tea and coffee? Five ten pound bags of apples? And that was just the first three items.

Sasuke sighed and looked at the grocery store doors. He could do this. "Treat it like a D-rank," he muttered, and reluctantly stepped in front of the automatic doors. His ears were instantly serenaded with what he knew was referred to as elevator music.

"Sasuke? It _is_ you!" Sasuke snapped his head up in time to see Tenten come to a stop in front of him, a small shopping basket hung over her arm. "Shopping alone today?"

"Alone, but for three," he grumbled. He showed her the list. "I had to leave my weights at home when I saw the quantities written down."

Tenten eyed the list and grinned. "Wow, that's not gonna be easy. But lucky for you, I'm here."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna help me carry all this shit?"

Waggling her finger at the other Chuunin, Tenten reached into her weapons pouch with her other hand and pulled out a small piece of paper and a brush-pen. "Something like that."

Sasuke blinked as he realized what she meant. "I guess I'm gonna owe you a favor after this."

To his surprise, Tenten blushed. "Actually..."

* * *

o0o

* * *

In the bowels of Konohagakure – which was actually a pretty accurate description of both the location and what resided there – Danzo was, in effect, throwing what Sai had read in one of his books to be a 'major hissy fit.'

"ROOT will not stand for this," Danzo fumed. "Uzumaki was supposed to stay alone, jaded, ostracized – perfect to become my ultimate weapon!"

Sai blinked. "I guess that idea failed."

"I do not fail," Danzo hissed at his subordinate, and threw a paper weight at Sai's head. The nin tilted his head and let it fly past him, striking the wall and shattering into a hundred pieces. Danzo pouted and sat back, folding his arms. "Clean that up. And then I'm sending you to the ANBU records room. I need to verify everything that brat claimed is true – maybe there's something I can use to stop this madness..."

Sai obediently whipped out his scroll and ink. A moment later, a broom and dustpan appeared. He swept up the broken shards, and both of them ignored the inky streak marks left behind. "Wouldn't Hokage-sama already have verified the veracity of Naruto's information before signing the village records?"

"That witch adores the creature and would do anything to keep it happy," Danzo muttered. He tugged on his bandages in irritation. "Maybe there's something she overlooked. Find it! Find something! Anything!"

Sai nodded and left the room, making a mental note to finish reading his copy of 'How To Win People Over and Make Friends' as fast as he could – he had a feeling he'd need that information soon.

* * *

o0o

* * *

Naruto and Sakura arrived home with extra futons (somehow, Sakura could sense that 'sleep overs' were going to become a regular occurrence with their new clan head) and bedding to go with it. They were stuck at the front hall however, because the rest of the way into the house was filled with food. Naruto gasped at the sight of four large crates filled with instant Ramen cups stacked against the wall and leaped on top of them, snuggling into the plastic wrapping as though he'd found his new home.

Sakura scratched her head. "Maybe I wasn't really thinking when I made that list..."

An angry hiss, like what you'd hear from a cat you just withheld treats from, came from the kitchen. " _No,_ you _weren't_." Sasuke's head leaned into the hallway, his body trapped behind crates of produce. "A third of this crap is yours and I am _not_ carrying it over to your place. I did my job."

"Actually, I helped you do your job." Sakura and Naruto looked up to see Tenten waving from where she was standing on the ceiling. "I have lots of storage scrolls for my weapons – it was easy to modify some of them to bring everything back here."

Sasuke muttered something under his breath and his head disappeared back into the kitchen.

Sakura grinned. "Any chance you could help me move my stuff once we get it sorted?"

A nasty-sounding, ' _when YOU get it sorted_ ' was snarled from the kitchen. Sakura and Tenten ignored it. "Yeah. But, umm... " Tenten looked shyly at Naruto – well, as shyly as one can when one is dangling from the ceiling like a bat. "...I wanted to ask Naruto something."

Naruto sat up on the Ramen crates and folded his legs. "What's up?"

Tenten released the chakra from her feet and did a neat flip to land in a crouch in front of the Ramen crates. Kneeling there, she raised her head. She had been thinking about this ever since the news had broken about Sasuke and Sakura (also known as the day the village of Konoha collectively lost its mind) and she knew what she wanted. "I wanted to ask if you would consider allowing me into your clan," she said quickly, cheeks bright red. Sasuke had told her to ask Naruto directly and 'to use small words'. "I am a war orphan, as you were, and have no clan of my own. My skills would be yours to use, and I would protect the Uzumaki clan with my heart and soul." She shut her eyes after speaking.

Sakura blinked twice and then laughed. "This one's all yours, _clan head_ ," she said, and leaped over the fifty-pound sacks of potatoes barring the entryway into the kitchen.

Tenten didn't move.

Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and saw Naruto looking at her seriously. "There are a few clan rules you need to know before we consider this," he said.

She nodded. She was not ignorant of personal clan practices – being the teammate of a Hyuuga saw to that. "May I know them?"

Naruto nodded and folded his arms. "First off, if you blow up the training grounds, you have to fix it. If you can't fix it alone, blame someone else. I already use Konohamaru as my excuse, and Sakura claimed Moegi, so you need to find someone else." He scrunched his nose up. "I think Udon's available. Sasuke-bastard just started swearing when Sakura and I were discussing scapegoats..."

Tenten blinked.

Naruto continued. "Oh, and there's like a mandatory brunch thing every Sunday you're not on a mission for that Sakura's trying to establish. She said no Ramen is allowed, but I'm trying to wear her down on that. Third, Sasuke is to be referred to as 'Bastard' or 'Sasuke-bastard', I'll let you take your pick-"

An apple came flying out of the kitchen and smacked into the back of Naruto's head with an audible _crack_. Naruto screeched and threw it back. Something crashed in the kitchen and then Sakura started yelling. Naruto grabbed Tenten's arm and they _shunshinned_ into the front yard.

"...and that is just one of the many, _many_ reasons _why_ Sasuke is to be referred to as 'Bastard'," Naruto continued without missing a beat.

Tenten started to giggle.

"Lastly, you have to pick one of the houses nearby. There is to be no isolation in Clan Uzumaki," Naruto finished. His tone went semi-serious. "I think a lot of us have had enough of that."

"Does that mean..." Tenten lowered her head again, unsure.

She gasped as Naruto slung an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her. "I can always use another sister," he said with a wide grin. "Let's go get the papers and pay Granny Tsunade a visit."

Tenten gave him a smile as wide as his, feeling hope spread inside her chest. Enough hope that she dared to open her mouth one more time to ask..."Naruto... how do you feel about having brothers?"

* * *

 **End**

* * *

*scratches head* Well, I know people are reading this because I can see the faves and follows at least...


	5. Mission Ready

**Title:** Mission-Ready

 **Word Count:** 1800

 **Note:** I adore Gai. And Lee. And Gai and Lee with their gloriously corny sunsets and crashing waves.

* * *

 **Mission-Ready**

* * *

Sai stifled a sneeze. The dust wafting up from the nearby scrolls and files he moved was driving him crazy but of course, he wasn't allowed to show any emotion. So he scrunched his nose up instead and moved on to the next drawer. This one contained a few short sentences on Kushina, Naruto's mother, but was basically everything Danzo already knew – former jinchuriki of the Nine-Tails Demon, husband of Namikaze Minato, nicknamed the 'Red Hot Habanero", granddaughter of the first, distantly related to the Senju clan, and of the clan renowned for sealing and the swirling spiral that was both part of the symbol of Konohagakure and was currently serving as the symbol for the Uzumaki Clan.

Whatever Danzo wanted, it wasn't going to be found in here. Sai shrugged and quickly restored everything to their proper place before exiting the building and returning to the underground world of ROOT.

Danzo was not going to be pleased. Sai made a mental note to snag his camera before reporting to his superior officer. As an artist, he could honestly appreciate the hues the man's skin was capable of turning when things didn't work out the way he planned.

* * *

o0o

* * *

Naruto was not happy. It had been two weeks, three days and sixteen hours since he'd last taken a mission, and the inactivity was driving him insane. Of course, he filled the time with home renovations (Sakura had talked him out of all-orange walls but the green and purple toad statues were staying and that was that) and assisting Tenten in getting her new home (formerly the home of one of Sasuke's uncles that Sasuke remembered being as creepy and his mother telling him not to go over there unless Itachi was with him – and preferably several large and violently dangerous weapons. Sasuke was more than happy to help destroy the non-load-bearing walls to create a more open space) in order. Tenten turned the living room into a meditation room, and the basement was converted into a live-in gym. The only decorations she had up were weapons. Everywhere. Every wall.

She was a weapon's mistress, okay? What did you expect?

Anyway, Naruto had tried to complain to Sasuke and Sakura that he needed to go on missions to help pay for his Ramen addiction (really, how long did they think four crates was going to last? Amateurs). Sasuke had responded with an envelope showing that the Uchiha fortune had apparently been renamed the Uzumaki fortune, that it still possessed a rather remarkable sum remaining, and had passed out bank cards. Tenten had taken that as a sign she needed to acquire more new weapons and had disappeared rather quickly.

Before Naruto could follow, Sakura had also flung an envelope at Naruto's head that informed him upon opening it (after mopping up the blood from the vicious paper cut in his temple), he was to (finally) receive his inheritance. The amount stated had caused him to pass out. It hadn't occurred to him that the Princess of Whirlpool and the Yondaime might have had substantial fortunes and ancient artifacts to hand down to their progeny. The Third had kept everything safe and hidden away under his name to prevent anyone from trying to steal it, and Tsunade had been entrusted with that information from Asuma, upon taking the Hokage throne. Now it was Naruto's, and the sheer numbers printed out had caused him to overload.

Let's just say, Clan Uzumaki all of a sudden surpassed the Hyuuga's in terms of financial power. In other words, Naruto could afford to take some time off from missions.

Screw that. Upon regaining consciousness, Naruto had immediately summoned and subsequently hired Shikamaru to calculate exactly how much it would cost and exactly how much he would need if he were to build a swimming pool the size of the training grounds and filled it with Ramen. Shikamaru had given him the figures AND a smack to the head reminding him that it would go bad before he could truly enjoy it and hadn't Naruto himself sworn never to waste Ramen?

Ah, the death of a dream. It can hurt so bad.

Which meant finding a new dream. Naruto was always up for adventure and so he glared his clan members down (while inwardly dancing excitedly at the thought of actually having clan members to glare at) and said he was going on a mission and they couldn't stop him, _neener neener neener._

Which meant all four members (Yugao, despite Naruto's nagging and whining, had not yet moved into the complex [or perhaps because of?] and thus was not included yet in this particular count) appeared in the mission office. Naruto, for the mission. Sakura and Sasuke, because they were part of Team 7 and both of them knew better than to let Naruto go anywhere by himself outside the village lest he come home with even more enemies-turned-friends (they had enough of those _inside_ the village, thanks) or being followed by missing-nins-turned-puppies at the sight of wide, friendly blue eyes. And finally there was Tenten who had just been accepted into a clan and she'd be damned if anything happened to her clan head on her watch.

Iruka smiled. "How are you, Naruto?"

"I want a mission, Iruka-sensei. B, A, or S, I can take it." Naruto leaned over the desk and gripped Iruka's Chuunin vest in his hands, shaking him desperately. "Please, Sensei. I need a mission."

"There's nothing wrong with C missions," Sakura said, deftly untangling her clan head from their former Sensei and hauling him back to the right side of the desk.

Naruto glared at her. "B-rank. A-rank. S-rank," he repeated.

"I did have a nice C-rank escort mission to Cloud-"

The C-rank file was struck from his hand and pinned to the wall by a dozen senbon needles. Tenten whistled innocently when everyone turned to stare at her and gazed up at the ceiling. Hey, her clan head didn't want a C-rank, so she'd help make sure he didn't get a C-rank. She'd promised her loyalty, hadn't she?

Naruto patted her on the head like a puppy. "You are my favourite sister," he told her. Tenten beamed. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Okay, we have a diplomatic envoy of council members going to Suna next week," Iruka said, hiding his smile. He'd been saving this one for Naruto, but they didn't need to know that. "It's A-rank due to the dignitaries involved, and it'll last just over a week. Three days travel, two days of talks, and three days back. You leave on Monday." It was Saturday. He grinned when Naruto snatched the file from his hand. "Gaara will be happy to see you, I bet."

Naruto beamed. "This is more like it," he crowed.

* * *

o0o

* * *

Rock Lee had spent the weekend training and psyching himself up for his big moment. Tenten had been nagging him and nagging him to approach Naruto about being adopted into the Uzumaki clan, as she had, but Lee had been a little less confident than Tenten had been.

He didn't have it so bad, after all. Especially once he'd graduated and had been assigned to Team Gai (what was their team number again? No one, not even Lee, Tenten or Neiji could easily remember – no one used it anymore). He found both family and friends within his team, and he couldn't ask for a better mentor. In fact, he wondered if it would have been treasonous to apply to a clan without Gai-sensei's approval.

He had been relieved when Gai-sensei found him for training on Sunday afternoon and had listened to him calmly speak his mind about what Tenten had done and what she was encouraging him to do. Gai had taken three seconds to listen, process and come to a decision which he revealed by picking Lee up and attempting to rearrange his internal organs with a powerful hug.

"MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT," he boomed, setting off flocks of birds in neighbouring trees. "YOU MUST DO WHAT YOU NEED TO IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY. IF BEING A PART OF NARUTO'S CLAN WILL DO THAT, I SHALL HELP YOU TO PREVAIL." Gai dropped Lee back to the ground and stroked his chin thoughtfully. "HOW DOES ONE APPLY?"

"Tenten said she just asked him," Lee said, looking down. "I don't know if I can do that so boldly..."

"YOU SHALL ASK HIM TOMORROW OR YOU WILL RUN FIFTY LAPS OF THE TRAINING GROUNDS ON YOUR HANDS," Gai boomed out again. Brick and cement began flaking off nearby buildings, and a small crack in the ground opened into a fissure, swallowing two garbage cans in its wake. "AND I WILL RUN THEM WITH YOU FOR FAILING TO INSTALL CONFIDENCE IN MY STUDENT."

Lee shook his head and clenched his fists. He snapped his head up. "YES, GAI-SENSEI!" he cried. "I WILL DO AS YOU SAY!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

An abandoned shack crumbled into dust with the force of their admiration for each other, but as it was abandoned, no one took any notice of it.

* * *

o0o

* * *

The next morning found both of them standing outside the Uzumaki clan main house. A note was pinned to the door with a kunai. It had four messages on it in four different styles of hand writing.

* * *

 **If anyone comes by, just letting you know the Uzumaki clan :D is off on an important mission. Wish us luck, dattebayo!**

 **Uzumaki Naruto - Ultimate leader of the Uzumaki clan and future Hokage! Believe it!**

Anyone trying to break in will be killed. Please try. I encourage you. Uzumaki Sasuke

I swear I am surrounded by idiots. We should be back by next Tuesday, go to the hospital if it's that

bad, and yes I'm talking to YOU, Kiba. You too, Shikamaru. I don't care how troublesome it is.

Uzumaki Sakura

 _Gai-sensei, Lee, Neiji – I have joined my clan (heee!) for our first_

 _mission. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys before we left. We'll be_

 _back in a week – Neiji, my house has been set up with traps courtesy_

 _of my new brothers (HEEE!) Sasuke and Naruto. They are hoping_

 _someone will test them. I invite you to try. But make sure Lee is with_

 _you in case you need rescu-* **scribblescribble** *- assistance. _

_\- Uzumaki Tenten_

* * *

Lee looked at Gai-sensei, tears streaming down his face. "We are too late," he sobbed. "If I had truly seized my spirit of youth, I would have come yesterday."

Gai sobbed as well – though his were manly tears of brotherhood. "WE WILL RUN OUR LAPS," he said sombrely. "AS A REMINDER TO SEIZE THE DAY WHEN ONE HAS THE OPPORTUNITY."

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

The stone fence surrounding the house Sasuke lived in gave an ominous crack, sending dust into the air. Gai and Lee looked at each other and decided it would be best to temporarily shelve all manly displays of affection until they reached their training grounds, which had thankfully been strongly reinforced years before.

* * *

End

* * *

Heh, glad people are enjoying this. I'm having a lot of fun writing it – it's my 'relax, it's all good' fic with no pressure in it. As long as you read it and smile, it's doing its job. :) Someone requested a day-glow orange ROOT HQ building. I shall see what I can do.


	6. Safe and Unsound

**Title:** Safe and Unsound

 **Word Count:** 1600

 **Notes:** Naruto just seems to attract trouble. Let's see just how much I can inflict on him.

* * *

 **Safe and Unsound**

* * *

"I am so bored," Naruto whined.

On the other side of the diplomatic carriage – a rather over-the-top affair consisting of a polished wooden vehicle somewhat resembling an old-fashioned stagecoach, trimmed in gold, with curtains of silk. The six diplomats from the civilian council were comfortably ensconced inside, content to chat with each other in between shouting orders out the carriage windows. Sakura had already had to escort three of them out that day to nearby brush croppings to answer the call of nature, which was beyond irritating when A) none of them seemed to be able to go at the same time, and B) they insisted on the whole procession coming to a halt each time it happened.

Sasuke and Tenten had been able to work off a little frustration and tension by handling a few rogue bandits here and there, but there were never enough of them to warrant Naruto leaving his post at the head of the whole damn thing. He was just behind the horses in terms of position and apparent value.

Sasuke wiped down his kunai and slid them back into his weapons pouch. "Sucks to be you, then."

"C'mon, Sasuke, trade spots with me for a while. Let me get the next bandit," Naruto wheedled.

"No."

"Bastard!"

"We require a fresh bottle of wine," came a shout from inside the carriage. A red-faced man who had made his considerable fortune dealing in furniture made by his family, created specifically from specially bred Hidden Leaf redwood trees and who was hoping to score a contract to deal in Suna, stuck half of his body out of the open window. "You there! Girl!"

He pointed at Sakura who pressed her lips together into a thin white line before striding to the rear of the carriage and opening up the back where the luggage and trade items had been stored. She found the cooler filled with ice, a seal stuck to the top that helped preserve the cold, and pulled out the first bottle she found. She then handed it to the man who fell back inside to a score of laughter from his compatriots.

"How far are we from Suna?" Tenten moaned, rubbing her temples.

"We've barely started day two," Sakura hissed about between clenched teeth. "It's a three day journey. Do the math."

"How much trouble would we be in if we just decided to stay in the forest and patrol and let them proceed on their own?"

Sakura perused that thought for a moment before sadly shaking her head. "We're supposed to travel with them to ensure they arrive in mostly one piece and in decent condition," she grumbled. "If I hadn't used my medical training to check on them every hour, we'd have one hell of a nasty carriage to clean out."

Tenten shuddered. She should have been grateful. After all, all of them knew how much worse it could get.

Scratch that. How worse it DID get.

* * *

 **o0o**

* * *

Gaara stood at the gates to his city, his brother and sister standing just behind and to either side of him. A flanking position, should they need to protect him – something he still found oddly funny, considering the power he wielded in the form of Shukaku (now that he had a proper seal that allowed him to actually sleep at night, _thank you_ Naruto and your ability to infinitely nag Jiraiya into providing) but overall he was still the youngest of the three and now that they weren't in danger of being killed by him in a fit of pique, they'd become strangely protective. Oh well. Worse things could have happened.

At any rate, they and his ANBU guard were awaiting the arrival of the civilian dignitaries from Leaf who were supposed hold trade talks with his own civilian council, and he'd already been sent a message from the Leaf's Hokage informing him who was providing the escort. He supposed it was 'eagerness' that was making him feel anxious and twitchy, wanting to catch a glimpse of his first and best friend, the person who had not only beat him but saved him as well.

Dust plumes rose in the distance, and before long, they could pick out individuals. The bright yellow mop of hair that could only be Naruto, and the pink hair of his teammate Sakura. He could also make out Sasuke, and he scrutinized the third female – recognizing her as the one beaten by Temari during their first Chuunin examination six years prior. Gaara shot a look at Temari – who had obviously recognized the girl and was wearing a smirk fit to kill.

Then her smirk faded into a look of confusion, and Gaara switched back to the approaching group. Naruto was actually _six_ rather beaten and bruised Naruto's and was – wait, why was he pulling the carriage? The pink-haired Chuunin was covered in dirt and looked fit to kill. The Uchiha – no, he was an Uzumaki now, was he not? At any rate, _Sasuke_ was carrying someone on his back and his body seemed to be randomly twitching as he walked, like electric waves were coursing through him with each step. As for the last one, Temari's former opponent... she looked the happiest of them all, holding an armful of katana blades and nuzzling the hilts like a contented kitten.

The lead Naruto trudged to a halt in front of them all. Five clones immediately popped and Naruto slapped a hand to his head as he absorbed their exhaustion and wear and tear. "Owww..."

Sakura growled and stomped over, hands glowing green, slamming them to the sides of Naruto's head. After a yelp, Naruto's eyelids drooped and a blissful look spread over his face. Sakura removed her hands and Naruto fell face-first into the sand, snoring. Sakura then looked at Gaara and his entourage, hands still glowing, as though daring him to say anything.

Gaara could never be accused of running away from a dare. He smiled at her, teeth glinting. "Welcome to Suna."

"Thank you," she grit out, giving a small courtesy bow. "I'm going to die now." She dropped to the ground next to Naruto, out cold.

Tenten skipped up and grasped his hand, shaking it firmly. "Thank you for the welcome," she chirped. "Umm.. as you can see, our journey was a little, umm..." she scratched her head, searching for the right word.

"Trying?" Gaara suggested, feeling an inexplicable urge to laugh. "I am assuming your dignitaries are in the remains of their conveyance." He shot a quick look at Sasuke who was beyond caring what any of them said or did and was trying not to fall to the ground next to his teammates. The Chuunin was singed from head to toe. There was smoke rising from the fried ends of his hair. And the fat man snoring like a pig on his back was drooling all over the Uchih—Uzumaki's shoulder. "Well... most of them."

"Yeah..." Tenten shrugged. "There was a problem... or problems... with bandits, thieves, Dire Wolves..."

Gaara blinked. "What?"

"Also a few minor forest demons and Sasuke wound up taking a few electric bolts but he and Naruto managed to chase off the ones we didn't kill. Then there was something Naruto named a sand shark, but hey, we got everyone here in one piece and with all the trade goods safely stored away in what's left of my storage scrolls."

Temari finally spoke up, eyes wide. "Where are your horses?"

Tenten shrugged. "One of the smaller demons scattered them – by the time we finished fighting and tracked them down, they'd been eaten. I've never seen wolves that size before!"

Kankuro stared. "Wolves?"

Temari nudged him. "Screw that – what does she mean by sand sharks?"

"And then the bandit hordes that tried to attack us after the demons," Tenten continued happily. "Sasuke and Naruto were already tired from killing the baby demons and the wolves and then trying to track the horses – which was a bust 'cause they were dead, and Sakura was protecting the dignitaries so I got to fight them all alone! It was great training and it meant I got to keep all their weapons after I beat them." She gestured to the pile of katana's she'd dropped when she'd greeted the Kazekage. "They came in handy against the sand shark things that attacked as soon as we hit the desert. Sasuke fire-balled them into glass and then I shattered them. It was great. But I need more scrolls. I used the last of what I had just sealing up the different knives they had – I've always wanted a set of butterfly knives! I know they're more of a civilian weapon but they look so cool..."

Temari's temple was twitching as she moved inside with the bun-haired teen chatting happily about the different weapons she'd managed to salvage. Gaara smothered another smile and motioned for his ANBU to handle the carriage. He then gently swirled his sand around Naruto and Sakura, picking them up so they could move inside the city before Sasuke collapsed under his burden and simply rolled the fat man through the gates. Kankuro seemed to have pity though, and moved to take the man from him. The minute his weight was gone, Sasuke's eyes rolled up into his head and he collapsed where he stood. Gaara barked out a single low laugh that stunned his retinue, and sent a wave of sand to the black-haired shinobi to carry him in as well.

This was one diplomatic mission he could just tell was going to be interesting.

* * *

End

* * *

I have a soft spot for gruff-but-not-gruff-enough-to-crush-you-to-death-with-sand Gaara. I made their mission up solely so I could have my panda-eyed little nap-skipper. Wow, that's a lot of dashes, and yet, no rainboom... ha... ha... ha...

Oh shut up. .;;;;;;


	7. Planning Ahead

**Title:** Planning Ahead

 **Word Count:** 3400

 **Note:** Damn, this one is twice as long as the others. It just happened that way. Don't expect it too often. This is supposed to be a drabble series. Apparently, I really suck at drabbles.

* * *

 **Planning Ahead**

* * *

"Sand sharks," Naruto grumbled, only half-awake. His head was partially propped up on his arm, barely keeping his face from falling into the soup bowls set before the Leaf nin in Gaara's private banquet hall. He had been informed via Temari that it was a great honour, and that previously, only Kankuro and herself had ever eaten in there with him which was all well and good, but Naruto was running on chakra fumes and since _that_ almost _never_ happened to him, he was not handling it with any amount of grace. "Why the hell didn't you mention the sand sharks, you bastard?"

"We call them the sand weevils, and they do not attack people from Suna – or people who stay on the main roads." Gaara sipped a spoonful of soup with great dignity. "Should I ask how you wandered so far off?"

"Demons," Sasuke snarled, eyes twitching and staring off in random directions. His fingers were still twitching as well, and soup was spilling all over the place. "Gonna chidori their asses, gonna blow 'em up-"

"Yes, yes, you and Naruto already did that," soothed Sakura, and slapped a hand on Sasuke's head. It was glowing a soft blue this time, and Sasuke fell back in his seat, asleep. "Sorry, Gaara. Taking thirty electrical strikes in a row is a bit much, even for a person with Fire and Lightning affinity."

Gaara inclined his head regally.

Naruto glared blearily at Gaara. "You're laughing at us, aren't you?" he slurred out. "'M gonna kick your asssss..." His head went down into the soup with a splash.

"Tenten," Sakura said quietly, buttering her bread on the opposite side of the table. "Can you lift his face before he drowns?"

"Sure thing!" Tenten pushed her chair back and stood up to grab her clan head by the shoulders. Pulling him up did not immediately solve the problem – the bowl came with his head, spilling what remained of the soup down the front of his jacket. Watery-sounding snores began to echo inside the bowl. At the head of the table, a choked sound came from Gaara but when she looked, his face was blank. Shrugging, Tenten peeled the bowl off Naruto's face and set it back on the table. "Mission accomplished."

"Wonderful." Sakura nibbled at her bread, ignoring the rest of them.

"So where are the dignitaries?" Tenten asked.

Temari hadn't stopped grinning since dinner began and the former Uchiha had still been shaking hard enough to rattle most of the silverware that began in front of him down the table by two feet. "Oh, they all met for an informal meet and greet dinner in the actual banquet room down the hall. You know, consisting of one or two things to snack on, and a free, open bar?"

Sakura snapped her eyes to Temari's. "We're on the second floor. Do we need to go over and make sure no one falls out any windows?" Exhausted or not, Sakura was not one to let a mission fail. She would march over there and nail their feet to the floor with Tenten's supply of senbon before she would allow them to dishonour her mission-record by dying so stupidly.

Obviously sensing this, Kankuro waved his hand at her. "No worries – we've got an entire ANBU contingent in there babysitting them. They'll all be hammered in no time and then gently tipped into the rooms provided for them. You can relax for the next two days." He grinned at her. "I'd say you've earned a break from them."

Sakura's eye twitched, eerily reminiscent of what Sasuke's had been doing before she knocked him out. "Yessss," she hissed. "We've earned the right to break their noses, break their fingers... _their wine bottles_... nothing permanent you know, but-"

"And this is where I think we should get these guys to their rooms," Tenten cut in swiftly. "It has been an incredibly exhausting three days – and I've trained with Maito Gai for six years." Which was probably the only reason she was handling things better than the rest of her clan. "I can get Sakura to our room but, um..." She looked pleadingly at Gaara.

Who gave her a very small smirk and uncorked his sand gourd.

* * *

o0o

* * *

"WHY THE HELL AM I SLEEPING IN A SAND PIT?" came a loud – _very_ loud - shout from the room Naruto and Sasuke were sharing. "IS THIS SOME KINDA TRICK, YOU BASTARD?"

" _ **Why**_ the _**fuck**_ are you asking _**me**_ _,_ moron _?_ I'm _**stuck**_ in the sand with _**you**_ _!_ _ **Idiot**_ _!_ "

Sakura opened her eyes but didn't move. Tenten rolled over, staggered to her feet and picked up her weapons scrolls. She selected one and then left the room.

"WHAT THE HELL IS —oi, Tenten? What-"

A very loud series of crashes and bangs followed his aborted yelp including one minor explosion. A low groan sounded that died abruptly with another * _THUD_ *. A moment later, Tenten trotted back in and dropped her scroll. "They've decided it would be a good day to sleep in a little longer."

Sakura eyed the scroll and recognized it as the blue one that Tenten kept most of her excess blunt weapons in – a pair of tonfa clubs, a pair of nunchaku, her bo staff, and as she kept in every scroll, several explosive tags. Sakura nodded her approval at Tenten's choice and went back to sleep.

Tenten smiled and lay back down on her bed. Neiji and Lee had only needed _encouragement_ once or twice about waking her early on her days off before they decided discretion was the better part of valour. She had faith that Naruto and Sasuke would learn much faster.

* * *

o0o

* * *

Gaara watched the Leaf kunoichi chat happily with Temari over a late breakfast. He then looked at Naruto and Sasuke who were sullenly shoveling food in their mouths – and looking like they'd been through a fifth Shinobi war waged all by themselves. "I'd ask if you slept well, but..."

Naruto scowled at Tenten. "You're not my favourite sister anymore," he pouted.

Sasuke ignored the blonde idiot he was forced to endure and eyed Gaara menacingly. At least, Gaara mused, he was able to make and keep eye contact this time. The twitching was just about gone. "Sand sharks?" he rasped.

"Sand weevils," Gaara corrected him. "As I mentioned last night. They can take many forms when they swarm together and they don't attack residents of Suna, or people on the main roads. They are one of Suna's pride source of defense." He smirked. "Besides me, of course."

"And our shinobi," added Kankuro, feeling someone had to at least stick up for the hard-working ninja who had managed to survive years of Gaara's killing sprees. "Next time, stick to the roads."

Sasuke leveled a red-eyed glare at the puppet master. "Would you like to experience exactly what we went through?" he asked/threatened. His Sharingan began spinning.

Kankuro yelped and dove under the table.

Without even looking, Sakura raised a fist. "Sasuke."

Sasuke looked, blanched, and deactivated his Sharingan.

Sakura lowered her fist. "Good boy."

"So what are we gonna do for two days?" Naruto asked, yawning widely. "I wanna spar with you Gaara, but that ain't gonna take two whole days."

Gaara grinned, revealing canines as sharp as Naruto's. "Are you sure about that?"

"I say let them kill each other while I take the girls shopping," Temari said. "There are some great new stores that just opened here in Suna thanks to trade talks a few months ago with Takigakure. I haven't had time to really go through them."

Sakura and Tenten exchanged looks and then nodded. "We're in."

Kankuro returned to his seat. "I don't need the whole experience, but I wanna know what the hell you guys did to attract forest demons and wolves."

"Those were not wolves," Naruto grumped. "They were the size of Akimichi clansmen. In tank form."

"Probably escaped rejects from more of Snake-face's leftover experiments years ago," Sasuke growled. "They looked like they belonged in training ground 44."

"The demons were tiny things – no match for Kyuubi," Naruto boasted. Sasuke punched him in the head. "Ow!"

"Then why did it take so long for you to take care of those two _tiny_ _ones_ while I was holding off the one that _spat lightning_?" Sasuke shouted. "I was _electrocuted_ while while you were, what – playing around?"

"You had _one_ to deal with, bastard-"

"Boys?" Sakura raised her fist again.

Both of them subsided, amidst a few ankle kicks and muttered curses.

Temari shook her head. "You have got to teach me that trick."

Sakura smiled. "I'd be happy to."

Kankuro and Gaara exchanged looks that were not fearful, as Gaara was not afraid of anything, naturally, but he would concede to being a tad... concerned.

* * *

o0o

* * *

Naruto dragged himself out of the hole he and Gaara had managed to slam each other into. He reached back one hand for him, but the Kazekage simply lifted himself on a wave of sand, setting himself on solid ground with ease. If not for the blood staining his mouth and his clothing, you never would have known he'd been battling Naruto for the better part of six hours straight.

Calling it a draw when they both wound up inside a crater that collapsed on them as their auras had risen for one last titanic clash had been – rather anticlimactic, actually. Naruto shook his head, tilting it to his shoulder and breathing a sigh of relief as a small trickle of sand and dirt poured out. "Go again?"

Gaara grinned but shook his head regretfully. He'd spent the previous evening and most of the day reuniting with his old friend, and he would now have to make up a small backlog of meetings and paperwork he'd put off to do so. "Perhaps tomorrow. Though we may have to set a shorter time limit."

Naruto pouted, but understood. After all, one day he'd be in the same boat as Gaara, and finding suitable locations and time to spar was going to be difficult. Especially when 'spars' like the ones he and Gaara were capable of wound up leveling entire city blocks worth of training grounds. Ah well. Repairs were what Genin teams were for. "Sounds good."

Sasuke had whipped Kankuro's ass earlier and disappeared – probably back to bed, or to see if any ANBU were available for a fight. Gaara had given him permission to issue challenges but not to antagonize his nin if they were busy – and to refrain from permanent damage. Gaara hadn't had any frightened administrative officials or terrified shinobi approach him all day (despite him being involved in a fight of his own, he had told Naruto any visitors needed to be dealt with if they arrived and their fight immediately paused), so he assumed the teen was behaving himself. That he'd been in good enough shape to ask for such a request after their unusual arrival was a stark reminder that Konoha nin were just as tough as they'd ever been – either that, or Sakura had expended even more energy healing him than the Kazekage had been aware of.

The Suna treasurer also hadn't sent him any messages, so Temari likely wasn't emptying the Suna vaults in her shopping expedition. All in all, today was a good day.

"I see you still haven't made your bid for Hokage," Gaara said as they walked back to the Kazekage palace.

"I have enough crap to deal with right now, and Granny Tsunade's doing a good job," Naruto replied with a shrug. "Life took a side-step when Jiraiya and Kakashi finally came clean about my family history. I wanted to resurrect my clan so I'd have something to back me up when I become Hokage."

"No other clan would?"

Naruto smiled. A real smile, not his foxy grin. "Actually yeah, they would. Most of my graduating class was made up of clan heirs, and they've already told me they would. Kiba of the Inuzuka said they'd stand beside me. So did Chouji Akimichi, and both Neiji and Hinata Hyuuga did too. Which means first thing I do when I get in office is strike that whole Main House/Branch House shit off the record. I already asked Jiraiya to look into removing those fucking seals."

Gaara nodded. "No need to ask about the former Uchiha, I assume."

"Sasuke said if I made Hokage, I have to make him head of ANBU because, and I quote, 'Someone's gonna have to keep your ass alive and I've got the best track record for it.'" Naruto chuckled. "Our fight after that lasted three hours and destroyed all of the Team 7 training ground and blew up a third of Team 8's. We both passed out, and when we woke up, I told him he could have the job if he bought me Ramen for three months."

"And did he?"

"I'm surprised I didn't drain the Uchiha family fortune – as it was called at that time."

"Who else has promised to back you?"

"Ino from the Yamanaka clan, and Shikamaru's as well. The Aburame clan, through Shino. Kakashi said he'd put the Hatake name down for me, and then there's Iruka-sensei, Jiraiya-sensei and Granny and Shizune, Asuma-sensei and most of the Jounin, and lots of other people like Lee and Tenten – shinobi without a clan." Naruto stopped and blinked, looking momentarily stunned, as though he hadn't realized just how many people apparently wanted to see him realize his dream. "Whoa."

Gaara nodded. "There is also the civilian sector, you realize."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah. I have a few allies there, but that's my biggest weakness." He shrugged. "I've changed a lot of minds in the past few years, but I still have a ways to go. It's one of the reasons I was so determined to resurrect my clan – the history alone can't be argued. Beyond that, I'll just have to show everyone I can protect them, and that'll be the day I become Hokage."

"An official backing from the Kazekage of Suna wouldn't hurt either."

Naruto froze and then looked at Gaara. "...What?"

Gaara shrugged. "Suna isn't so much allied with Konoha as it is allied with you, Naruto. You saved my life when I didn't even know I needed saving." He smirked at the dumbstruck blonde. Suna may have had to make aggressive gestures now and then to save face among the other nations (Tsunade had accepted their apology post the whole Hiroku thing last year) but when it came right down to it... "When you are ready to make your bid for Hokage, you will have the official backing of Suna and all of our political power. Considering the increase in trade we have been working for, the Leaf council would have to be full of idiots to turn you down." He tilted his head, thoughtfully. "Perhaps we could have my administration draw up an official agreement to give you something solid to use until then?"

Naruto's mouth opened and closed several times without saying anything. Then he lowered his head and spoke softly. "You mean it, Gaara?"

"Yes." Gaara automatically flinched, as he always did when people went too close to him, too quickly, but relaxed as Naruto threw his arms around him and squeezed. It really was astonishing. Seven years ago, he would have crushed Naruto in his sand grip before Naruto ever got near enough to touch him. That was the depth of the change Naruto had wrought. "...you are welcome."

Naruto sniffled and hugged him again.

Gaara stifled a sigh and let the blonde get it out of his system. Being friends with Naruto truly required relearning the definition of the word 'patience'. Luckily, it was something he excelled at. He would wait until later to remind Naruto of the other important people who wanted him to survive – Mist's Mizukage, the other jinchuuriki like Killer Bee, Fuu and Nii who had a lot of pull in their own villages these days (more end results of meeting Naruto – seriously, the boy's ability to make friends out of those who should be enemies could be classified as its own jutsu with almost no counter or escape). There was a plethora of influential people that wanted to see Naruto step up and take his place – and quite possibly unite the main countries in a peace it had been wanting for so long.

A tall order, to be sure. But if anyone could do it, it was Naruto. Gaara had no doubt of that.

* * *

o0o

* * *

"It was a fun two days, but all good things must come to an end," Sakura sighed, watching glumly as Naruto and a handful of clones loaded up the new coach that Gaara had generously provided. A Suna nin was also to accompany them not only to return said coach to Suna, but to ensure no more sand sharks—err, weevils, attacked them along the way.

Sasuke grunted as he stood in front of the loaned horses (Naruto had staunchly refused to pull the damn thing all the way home) and watched the dignitaries smile and laugh as they exchanged goodbyes with their Suna counter-parts. Apparently the trade talks and gone very well, and more stores would be opening in both Suna and Konoha. "At least they ran out of wi-"

"For the ride home!" One of the Suna business men who ran a distillery snapped his fingers, and an underling staggered over with a huge crate of bottles. "A token of good faith."

"Excellent!" beamed the fat man who Sasuke had been responsible for carrying into Suna in the first place. The coach had been too destroyed to fit them all back in the way they'd started out. Sasuke swore silently if anything happened to this one, Naruto was playing piggyback. "Nothing like a little of Suna's best to cut the dust. This is greatly appreciated."

"Not really," Sakura murmured, watching with resignation as Sasuke was called into service to carry the crate to the back hold, and remove several bottles for the groups immediate consumption the moment they got underway. "At least it's Sasuke's turn to play 'nursemaid.'"

Temari waved at Sakura and Tenten. "I'll have to come see what shopping is like in Leaf," she called out.

"That's a promise!" Tenten said, grinning widely.

The Suna nin started the horses moving, and the procession got underway. Naruto hung back, standing next to Gaara, watching it head down the main road. Naruto turned to his friend. "Thanks Gaara. For everything."

Gaara smirked and snapped his fingers. A nin appeared with a scroll pouch and presented it to Naruto. "Here. Proof of what we discussed yesterday."

Naruto reached out with shaking fingers, almost afraid to touch it. "Gaara... you..."

Gaara rolled his eyes and snagged the scroll pack. Then he bounced the end of it off Naruto's head. Naruto yelped, and then accepted it automatically when Gaara shoved it into his hands. "Take it, you idiot."

Naruto clutched the scroll containing the promise of full support from Sunagakure upon his ascension to Hokage. He blinked back tears, and then threw his arms around Gaara. "Thank you!"

Suna's ANBU corp flinched automatically, but they were becoming accustomed to the liberties their Kage apparently allowed the jinchuuriki of the Leaf. Gaara waited until Naruto let go, and pointed out the caravan that was rapidly leaving him behind.

"Oh yeah! Thanks Gaara! Bye Temari! Bye Kankuro! Bye ANBU!" Naruto turned and charged down the main road, screaming at 'Sasuke-bastard' for not waiting for him.

Temari chuckled, shaking her head. "That kid is a hoot, I have to give him that much."

Kankuro nodded. "Crazy-ass fox."

Gaara watched his friend disappear and idly wondered how long it would take for Naruto to discover the trap protecting the scroll case. His official scribe had promised it would glue Naruto's hands to the case for at least three hours, and would resist most common solvents.

Ten minutes later, as he was returning to the Kage palace, he looked out over the desert and swore he heard a faint _'Gaara you_ _asshole_ _!'_ floating on the breeze.

Life was good.

* * *

 **End**

* * *

Again, I see from the follows people are apparently reading this. Does this mean you find it funny? You think there's an actual plot that you're waiting to see? What's up? I don't bite, I swear.


	8. Surrounded by Morons

**Title:** Surrounded by Morons

 **Word Count:** 330

 **Notes:** This is actual drabble size! And because it is, I'll post the follow up to it shortly. Also, you get these because the feedback was both encouraging and inspiring. Keep that in mind. *grins*

* * *

 **Surrounded by Morons**

* * *

Danzo was not impressed by Sai's inability to find anything in the ANBU records rooms. Sai was then ordered to go to what was now referred to as the Uzumaki clan main house to see if any of the records Naruto had used to back up his claim were inside.

Sai had studied the note on the front door with great care. Truthfully, he didn't want to test the traps himself. He could see for himself the results only two houses down – where a purple-painted Neiji Hyuuga was on day two of being strung from the outer rafters of Uzumaki Tenten's home by ninja wire. Every attempt by Lee to get him down resulted in another explosive tag going off. The one truly good thing about it was that all the smoke damage had worn its way into the Lee's clothing and for once, Lee resembled a proper ninja dressed in all black.

Sai watched Neiji scream curses at Lee for a few more minutes before deciding to leave the main house alone. He would wait until Naruto returned, and he could study how the blonde undid them before going in. He had no intention of getting caught like the Hyuuga.

* * *

o0o

* * *

One week later:

Sai made more notes on his scroll. Apparently he would not learn anything by watching Naruto. The first thing the blonde boy did upon returning to his newly minted, one-day-to-be-an ancestral home was immediately set them all off due to the jinchuuriki _forgetting_ he'd set them in the first place. It took Sakura, Sasuke and Tenten the better part of two hours before they were able to stop laughing long enough to cut him down and Sakura must have cast a genjutsu before they did so, because Sai could not remember how they circumvented the Ramen-thrower without setting off the paint-balls or the explosive tags that were really quite expertly hidden. Quite remarkable, really.

Sai shrugged and gathered up his scrolls. There would be another day.

* * *

End

* * *

Sai is growing on me. I read some fics where he had great development, and I just watched the third Shippuden movie and so yeah, Sai needs to be more a part of this puppy somehow.

Also, if you wanna throw a few ideas at me, that'd be great. I have some of my own but I need filler to link 'em all together. Just don't ask for pairings. It's not a focus right now, and if it becomes so, I already know what I want.


	9. Dignity

**Title:** Dignity

 **Word Count:** 500ish

 **Note:** Neiji is just so much fun to tease. He's a great guy, loyal to a fault, talented, and he has better hair than most girls. It makes me want to pinch his cheeks. All four of them.

* * *

 **Dignity**

* * *

"Hey Lee! Hey Neiji!" Tenten waved at her teammates as she approached Team Gai's regular training grounds. Gai wasn't there yet – probably off to challenge Kakashi to something completely ridiculous, like who could hop backwards on one leg along the Hokage mountain the fastest.

No, wait. Gai had used that challenge two months ago. Ah well.

"Tenten," Neiji acknowledged.

Normally he'd give her a small smile but his face was frosty cold today. Why? Tenten examined him carefully – and then shot a quick look to Lee... who was wearing his normal green suit and yet he somehow still looked different...

Her sharpshooter senses and vision zeroed in on bits of black on Lee's jumpsuit that despite hours of scrubbing, the bushy-browed teen had not been able to completely remove (and had therefore had to run 500 laps around the entire village of Konoha but Tenten didn't know that) and recognition hit her.

She smirked. "So did you get in?"

Lee's cheeks bloomed a bright red. Neiji's eyes went even colder and his nose moved another fraction into the air, as though to say even commenting was beneath his dignity.

Tenten clapped and laughed. "You did! How was it? How far did you get in? I wanna know if you were trapped as long as Naruto was-"

Lee blinked. "Naruto? Did he not set those traps himself?"

"So? This is _Naruto_ we're talking about." Tenten rolled her eyes. "So of course he completely forgot and got himself trapped trying to enter his own house." She grinned and hopped closer to Neiji. "C'mon, give. How long?"

"Two days," Lee admitted. Neiji's head whipped around and shot him a look so full of venom that Lee gulped and backed out of immediate tenkutsu-poking range. "I cannot tell a lie!"

Tenten was suddenly finding it hard to breathe. She collapsed to the ground, howling with laughter. "T-two days?" she gasped, wiping tears from her eyes. "You were strung up for two days?"

"And painted purple," Lee volunteered, determined to be completely honest with his teammate. It may result in his death at the hands of his other teammate but one had to live by ones morals. "I was covered in black smoke. It took many washings to return my beloved jumpsuit back to the brilliantly vibrant green it was the day Gai-sensei bestowed it upon me."

That was it. Tenten rolled on the grass, laughing hysterically. She was done for the day. Neiji glared at both of them and then walked stiffly off the training grounds, looking as dignified as he could.

It was just as well neither of his teammates had told him about the splotches of purple still left on his hair and behind his ear, right about where the Hyuuga blind spot was located. He might have snapped, and Tenten didn't feel like mopping up blood from the grounds so soon after coming home from a long away mission.

* * *

 **End**

* * *

I can just SO see the Hyuuga clan noticing the purple and deciding to not say anything. That would be their kind of prank – participating without any participation.


	10. Enter the Pervert Sage

**Title:** Enter the Pervert Sage

 **Word Count:** 1720

 **Notes:** Because Naruto causes trouble, and Jiraiya invites trouble and therefor with two of them you have trouble squared and that is why I love them. True story. Hey, I was a teacher in China for 10 years – my favorite kids were the actual brats.

 **Enter the Pervert Sage**

To say that Jiraiya had been a little surprised to hear about the surprising revival of his old student's fiancee's clan from Whirlpool was a bit of an understatement. But to hear that the Uchiha had even bought into it and had more or less donated his land holdings (which were not insubstantial, to say the least) to the cause actually stunned him enough that he couldn't muster up the urge to go peeping in the closest onsen, and that in itself was astonishing.

"He's turned quite a few heads," Tsunade finished up, pouring more sake into their cups. "There's only five members thus far, but the way Gai has been ranting about Lee's DETERMINATION, there will likely be six by the end of the week." She poked a file on her desk. "I've already pre-signed a dozen applications just in case."

Jiraiya grinned widely. "That kid. Always doing something to get noticed."

Tsunade smiled absently. "Not this time." She gave her old teammate a look they'd exchanged so many times – since the defection of Orochimaru, the death of the Yondaime, learning the details about Naruto's life, the death of their teacher... "I think he's doing it so he won't be alone."

"It won't hurt his chances with the civilian council either," Jiraiya nodded. "He's smarter than he looks."

Tsunade smirked. "I wonder. Anyway, I've kept you here long enough. Go hunt down your student and say hi. He'll be in here yelling soon enough if you don't and I'd like to enjoy my sake buzz before Shizune comes in and nags it away."

Jiraiya nodded again and leaped onto the window sill. Pushing his chakra to his feet, he began sliding down the side of Hokage tower, skidding to a halt about ten feet off the ground and pushing off instead, moving into a series of leaps that took him across the village to a familiar location. Before even bothering to check Naruto's home (well, his new one now, which he hadn't even seen yet), just about anyone who knew him knew to check either the Team 7 training ground, or the Ichiriku Ramen stand.

He wasn't at either spot. Jiraiya shrugged, paid Naruto's outstanding tab as he always did just to confuse the little brat with a good deed (he'd had so few of them done in his favor over the years, poor kid deserved a break and Teuchi never told the brat who did it), and then made his way to the once-abandoned Uchiha complex.

Which was now decorated with so many red whirlpool marks on the houses, the mailboxes, the training posts – hell, even the trees – it looked like the entire complex had come down with a case of the chicken pox. That, or one hell of a nasty rash. Jiraiya shuddered. Naruto was taking this clan stuff seriously. "Restraint," he muttered. "Remind me to give him a lesson in restraint at some point." Which was actually totally hilarious coming from himself.

"Hey, who's over there?"

Jiariya blinked and turned around to see a young girl, dressed for jogging with two large buns in her hair. She was paused in mid-motion, a scroll in one hand and a sword in the other. Jiraiya smiled and held up his hands. "I come in peace?"

The girl blinked and then recognition flowed across her. For a moment, the sword lowered and the tension began to dissipate. Then the sword came back up. "The pervert Jiraiya who was caught peeping on the women's baths six times alone on his last two day visit, according to Naruto."

Ah, _damn_. "Is Naruto here by chance?"

"Hmph." The girl gave him a withering look, and then jerked her head over her shoulder. "Follow me."

"Delighted to!" Jiraiya chirped and followed along. The girl had a delightful frame for teenager – another five years to mature and she'd be devastating— _urk_.

There was a kunai at his throat and a fist in his gut. A young man with white eyes held the kunai. A miniature copy of that strange ninja Maito Gai was the owner of the fist. The girl turned at the sound he'd made and then rolled her eyes. "Neiji, Lee, what-"

"I do not approve of where his eyes were fixed," Lee said calmly. "Naruto has warned us about leaving young women unattended in Jiraiya-sama's presence."

"If you do not watch your gaze around Tenten, I will cut out your eyes and remove the problem permanently," Neiji said coldly. Jiraiya 'meeped'. Kids today were too damn serious.

Tenten sighed, but a reluctant grin broke free. "All right, let 'im go. I can take care of myself guys, and Naruto would be upset if anything permanent were to happen to Jiraiya."

"Why don't you call me 'sama' like the green kid did?" Jiraiya whined.

"Pervert-sensei!" Naruto leaped down from the top of the house he'd apparently claimed for his own – the green and purple toad statues lining the walkway to the front door were kind of a painful give-away – and dashed over, skidding to a halt in front of him. "What are you doing here?" His eyes narrowed as he took in Tenten's resigned look, Lee's bulbous frown, and Neiji's subtle aura of killing intent. "What did you do to my sister?"

 _Sister? Wow, apparently he had a lot to catch up on_. Jiraiya smiled disarmingly. "Not a thing, kid. Your friends are a little trigger-happy."

Naruto's eyes narrowed even further. "Not Neiji. And I know you." He gasped and looked at Tenten. "Did he peep at you?"

Tenten bristled, looking as though she'd just been insulted. _Which_ , Jiraiya mused, _is technically true considering how skilled she is_. "If he did, do you think he'd still have his eyes intact?"

 _Geez, first the Hyuuga, now the bun-headed brat_. "Why is everyone threatening my eyes?"

"Aside from one other part of your anatomy-" that was Sakura, meandering down the path of her home, pausing to lean on the stone wall. " - they are your most used body part."

Jiraiya grinned. "Indeed, my brain is the most-"

A kunai flew between his legs, just missing Jiraiya Jr and sticking to the ground about three feet behind him. " _Not_ the part I was thinking of."

Jiraiya let out yet another 'meep' and manfully resisted the urge to grip little Jiraiya to reassure himself he was still in one piece. Naruto had turned nearly as green as the Lee-creature's clothing.

"What do you want, Pervert-Sensei?" Naruto asked, tilting his head to the side.

Jiraiya couldn't stop a soft smile from escaping. That look was so undeniably Kushina. Naruto may have looked like Minato's de-aged clone, but his mannerisms were all Kushina. "I came to see _you_ , you ungrateful _brat_. I heard about the resurrection of the Uzumaki clan and decided to come see what all the hullabaloo is about."

Naruto grinned widely, rubbing his finger under his nose. "Only five members so far, but it's gonna grow." His eyes shot to a suddenly bashful-looking Lee and then back to Jiraiya. "Believe it."

"Oh, I believe it." Jiraiya laughed. "And kid, if you're gonna resurrect the Uzumaki clan, there's something you need to know." His tone was suddenly darker, more serious. "There's a reason the Uzumaki were wiped out years ago."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "No one will hurt my clan," he growled. His chakra spiked automatically in retaliation to the perceived threat and a red haze surrounded him. Naruto had come a long way in controlling the power of the nine tails, but he was supposed to avoid using the 'red cloak' that resulted from extreme rage and loss of control unless he absolutely had to. Sakura, Tsunade, Kakashi and Jiraiya had all see the effects of long exposure as it wound up burning his very skin and actually boiling his blood – it made for very painful healing. As such, he was encouraged to drop the cloak. A lot. Like now.

Jiraiya watched as Naruto trembled with poorly-concealed anger and anxiety over what he'd said. Before he could do anything however, Sakura was on one side, patting his shoulder, Tenten on the other smiling with supreme confidence. The Hyuuga and the mini Green Beast were facing Jiraiya, as though to say they would handle the threat and that the red cloak was not necessary. Jiraiya was very skilled at reading between the lines in situations such as these.

Even the Uzumaki formerly known as Uchiha seemed to magically appear in front of Naruto a second later, glaring daggers as Jiraiya. "What did you say to rile him up enough to bring out the nine tails cloak?"

Jiraiya winced and waved his hands in protest. "A little family history, that's all."

"He said there was a reason the Uzumaki clan was wiped out, and if he's bringing it back, he needs to know," Tenten filled him in. The little tattle-tale.

" _Will._ _Protect. My. Clan_ ," Naruto snarled. The cloak was gone but his eyes were purple, meaning the Kyuubi's chakra was still flooding his system in response to his emotions.

Sasuke peered at him, seem to come to the same conclusion as Jiraiya, sighed and brought his fist solidly down on the jinchuuriki's head. There was a near-audible *BONK* and Naruto's eyes were squeezed shut as he wrapped his hands over his head protesting the rough treatment. Sasuke ignored his whines and waited for Naruto to open his eyes again. He did. They were bright blue. Watering from pain and filled with hurt, but still blue. Sasuke nodded. "Sorry, dead-last. But you were shifting again."

Jiraiya blinked. _Shifting_?

Naruto went still. "Again?"

"Yeah."

Naruto's face contorted into a grimace. "Aww, _man_ ," he groaned. "Don't tell Tsunade or Kakashi, please? I don't wanna do any more of those control exercises. They make me sleep for a week after."

"I'll think about it," Sasuke replied. "I can always use more for the blackmail file."

"SA-SU-KE BAS-TARD I AM-"

Sakura slammed a hand over Naruto's mouth. "Anyway, you were saying, Jiraiya?"

Jiraiya had been watching the by-play with interest, and now he gave a nod to the pink-haired kunoichi. It was interesting, watching this new dynamic play out. He'd come to talk to the brat and now he was surrounded by them. None of them seemed about to leave, the hint of something secret had not hindered Naruto at all – in fact, he seemed glad they were all around him. _Guess the little gaki's had enough secrets in his life_. "Ah, yes. Gather 'round, children, 'tis story time." He smiled grimly at them.

"Let me tell you about the Uzumaki and the fine art of Fuuinjutsu..."

 **End**

Man, Tenten picked the right clan for her, considering the funky things she does to storage scrolls. Feedback encourages more chapters, and this is still fun to write so no burden yet. Yay!


	11. Interlude: By The Scruff Of His Spandex

**Title:** **Interlude:** By the Scruff of his Spandex

 **Word Count:** 553

 **Note:** I couldn't resist. I regret nothing. And I adore Nikishi Willow bushes. They're gorgeous.

* * *

 **Interlude: By The Scruff Of His Spandex**

* * *

"Why are you being so mean?" Sakura flopped down in the grass next to Naruto who was huddled behind the stone wall that lined his new property, binoculars on and trained on a very specific target that was steadfastly marching up and down the road, black and bulgy eyes dazed as the owner of them was obviously worrying something over in his mind.

"I haven't done anything to him, dattebayo!" Naruto waved one arm dismissively at her as he kept watch. "I'm waiting for him!"

Sakura sighed. Tenten had made no secret of the fact that she wanted her teammate to join her in Clan Uzumaki. Rock Lee was the only 'Rock' family member in Konoha – another example of the orphans left behind after the Third Shinobi War and it's violent, nine-tailed conclusion. Though, unlike the rest of the village, Lee - even upon finding out Naruto's furry little secret - had never once blamed the jinchuuriki for the loss of his parents.

It astonished Naruto that the famed 'Rookie 9' (and Team Gai who seemed to be automatically included with the Rookies though they were each a year older) had accepted him as easily as they had. He wasn't going to look a gift-horse in the mouth, however. He just promised to repay their acceptance by protecting them with every fibre of his being. That they were all highly trained ninja and capable of taking care of themselves didn't even register.

Which was why upon hearing Tenten's explanation, Naruto had immediately bolted out of his house and to the Hokage Tower for a signed copy of a clan adoption form. Like he'd deny Lee – fuzzy eyebrows, bowl cut and all – a home within a proper clan. Hair styles could be changed. Family was and would be forever.

That had been several days ago and Lee still hadn't approached him officially. Oh, he'd tried, but when his mouth opened, something else would come out – like more training challenges. Naruto didn't think Lee had had any sleep in the past four days.

"Just go tell him you have the papers ready for him to sign," she scolded. Lee had been pacing outside the compound so much he was digging an eight-meter trench along the main wall. Just the other day, Ino had suggested filling it with soil and planting a nice hedge along it once they got Lee out of it. Sakura was thinking that, or a nice line of Nikishi Willow bushes. Maybe a Dogwood or two on the ends. She was also thinking that if she couldn't convince Lee to just come out and make his request, maybe she'd get him to start walking in a parallel line to the one he'd made, but across the street. Then both sides could be lined with hedges. After that, he could line her garden for her...

Naruto broke through her musings. "No. He's got to come to me." Naruto looked at her seriously. "If he wants it bad enough, he'll come here." He smirked. "If he'd just man up and get over here, he'd realize he was already a damn clan member – he's just gotta sign the scroll! Tenten's been cleaning out the house next to hers for him!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, smacked him upside the head as a goodbye and went back to her house. Aside from setting up what would eventually be known as Rock Lee's new domicile, Tenten was also coming over to discuss the logistics of hiring a Genin team to restore her old/new backyard. Sakura figured a little prodding would have her dragging Lee over by the scruff of his spandex bodysuit in no time at all.

If not, they could always tell Maito Guy that Lee was chickening out. If that didn't set his ass on fire, _nothing_ would.

* * *

 **End**


	12. It's All In The Blood

**Title:** It's All In The Blood

 **Word Count:** 1356

 **Notes:** Yes, I took the easy way out. Jiraiya is only tolerable in small doses, no matter that I love him dearly, and so he needed to leave for the time being.

* * *

 **It's All In The Blood**

* * *

Naruto was certain that if he looked into a mirror, he would see his eyeballs spinning in their sockets like non-Sharingan Sharingans, and shut up, that made sense in his mind. Fuuin Jutsu's. The art of sealing. Practically invented by his mother's family, and raised to such a level that the clan – no, the entire country of Whirlpool was deemed necessary to destroy. The Daimyo's of each land had risen up in fear of the Whirlpool country, made almost entirely of Uzumaki's and their descendants, and formed a one-time alliance strictly to take them out in their entirety.

Why? Because the power of their sealing techniques was such that it apparently warranted an equivalent to genocide. That was really it. It had been two hours since Jiraiya had dropped this little mental bomb on Naruto's head and left, and Naruto still felt sick to his stomach.

On the positive side however, his clan members (all four of them) and his friends (the remainder of the Rookie 9 plus Team Gai) had vowed to protect him. HIM. His mind spun sickeningly as he tried to contemplate the ramifications of that kind of pledge.

As the only true Uzumaki (Yugao was one-quarter third cousin and he really needed to ask Shikamaru how blood dilution worked in this case), he alone possessed the extreme life spirit that was characteristic of blood Uzumaki's. Combined that with his enormous chakra reservoirs and add in the power of the oldest of the demons, the Kyuubi, Jiraiya had made sure to stress to the group listening to them that Naruto would always be a target to the outer lands. If he managed to master sealing, as Jiraiya hoped to have him do, he would conceivably be the most powerful person in the known lands.

But powerful didn't mean immortal. Naruto could still be killed, and _make no doubt about it,_ Jiraiya warned them, once word spread that the Uzumaki clan was back in action, there would be assassins after his orange-clad ass.

Which was when Neiji had stood up and vowed that he would help protect the new(ish) clan with all that he had. He had been immediately followed by Lee (who swore he would punish himself by climbing the Hokage mountain one-handed one thousand times if he allowed any harm to come to clan Uzumaki – at which point Naruto flung the scroll he'd been hiding from the mini-Green Beast at his head), Tenten (who jumped for joy at the idea of more sealing training in one breath, and vowed instant dismemberment to anyone who attacked her clansmen with the other - which basically resulted in everyone watching her jump for joy while talking about dismembering people, and that made everyone take a few steps back just in case insanity was contagious) and Sakura who clenched her fists and let out an all-purpose war cry 'let 'em try' (there was also an internal 'SHANNARO' from Inner Sakura which made it a very rare time when both inner and outer personality were completely in synch and really, nothing good could come of that).

Even Sasuke had glared a little harder at Jiraiya at the thought of harm coming to Naruto.

Naruto could have handled this. Really, he could have. But Lee told Hinata what Jiraiya had said, and _she_ told Shino and Kiba – who managed to spill the beans to Chouji over a barbeque dinner that night. Sakura told Ino, which meant Shikamaru heard it from both teammates, and since all of the rookies knew, that meant their families and sensei's did too – including one Umino Iruka (informed by Asuma who filled him in over a shift at the Mission Desk), who upon hearing about the inevitable upcoming attacks on the son of his heart, immediately began raiding the Academy storage wares in order to help Naruto better defend his home with more complicated traps. In searching for more ninja wire, he recruited the help of Konohamaru who wheedled the true purpose out of his sensei's impromptu scavenger hunt and immediately told Moegi and Udon before deciding to take it upon themselves to provide body guard duties for 'the boss."

So now Naruto had three tiny and rather inept shadows, a house he was having trouble getting into without blowing himself up, a bug infestation that was meant to be comforting and protective but just made him feel itchy, and a rotating shift of people watching his every move. In the case of two of them, literally _every move_ , walls be damned. And since the shifts were made of people he adored, that meant he couldn't kill them to get them to leave him alone.

And all this before he even really knew what sealing was (other than the obvious – to keep something in. Between his growling case of living indigestion and Tenten – who carried more weapons on her in sealed scrolls than most countries entire armies, that was kind of a no-brainer). Talk about overkill.

The best thing he could do at this stage, he decided, was study the scrolls Jiraiya had left him. Rarer than rare, they were the few remaining scraps of history that had survived the destruction of Whirlpool Kushina Uzumaki had inherited them down from the First Hokage and had guarded them with her life – not even Minato Namikaze learned of their existence until after they were married, and even then, he'd only been allowed to look at one.

Ironically, that had been the same scroll that had taught him what he needed to do regarding the Nine Tails seventeen years ago - eighteen this October. But who was counting?

Only Uzumaki blood would open the scrolls – not even Jiraiya had viewed them. Naruto had agreed though, to limit himself to one scroll – one that had written on the front in scrawling kanji (apparently Naruto actually came by his messy handwriting honestly, and he would be sure to tell Iruka-sensei that the next time he saw the man) that had said, quite frankly, 'Newbies and Idiots, Begin Here.'

It had taken Sasuke all of three seconds to decipher the handwriting, process the words, and then calmly ask Naruto under exactly which heading did he think he was qualified? Naruto had retaliated with a spinning kick, Sasuke with an open palm – and that's when Sakura picked both of them up by their ankles, squeezed the pressure point in their feet that momentarily reduced chakra usage, and then flung them both bodily into the lake.

Anyway, Naruto had to study the scroll along with a beginner's manual on seals Jiraiya had dropped on his head. Luckily it had been the same book Tenten had apparently studied to create and modify her own vast cache of scrolls and storage seals, so anytime he had a question, he could go to her.

Unbelievably, another person who was good with seals was – again, _unbelievably_ – Kiba. The feral nin had studied seals under his mother and his sister who used them to transport practically an entire operating theatre with them when they went on missions with their canine companions. Kiba himself carried various medicines, ingredients, nin-ken medical books, carriers and doggy treats in sealed scrolls in his backpack. He was more equipped to deal with an injury to Akamaru than he was to himself (apparently this stemmed from their first failed mission to rescue Sasuke; when he had faced a two-headed nin that had injured Akamaru badly, and using the local herbs had only prevented Akamaru's immediate death).

When it came to himself, Kiba was a bit of a fly-by-night kind of ninja, but when it came to Akamaru, only the best would do, and he would have a backup plan for his backup plans to keep the dog safe. And after a few hours of taunts and teases, he joined Tenten in helping Naruto break down the basics of sealing.

To Naruto's immense surprise (not to mention to the surprise of everyone who knew him), he picked up the theories behind the scrolls fairly quickly. And well, why shouldn't he?

Apparently sealing was in his blood.

* * *

 **End**

* * *

Feedback pleaded for, ideas welcome! I'd love to get a couple of side-plots going (besides Danzo, yes, Sai's back in the next chapter) but this is my relaxing fic – I don't want to strain my brain to hard over it or it will turn into my other fics – something I dread working on because it requires more thought and work.

Loooooooove, feeeeeeed me reviews, I'll beg – I have no dignity or shame. I'm like a drunk Rock Lee – I care not for how I look as long as it gets the job done. In this case, drawing out your feelings and opinions. *throws self on the floor* Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?


	13. Desecration

**Title:** Desecration

 **Word Count:** 388

 **Notes:** Inspired entirely by reading one sentence in a fanfic. One freaking sentence inspired this whole thing. If you can guess which sentence (modified ever so slightly so it fit my story and not the other persons) I'll write a drabble of your choosing in this universe. Are you up for the challenge? Only the first person who guesses correctly will be notified (signed responses only).

* * *

 **Descration**

* * *

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"What the hell – Tenten! Jeeze, you scared the crap out of me!"

"YOU.. WHAT... BOOK!"

"Hmmm? Yeah, I'm studying the book Pervert Sage gave me."

"...PINK? So much PINK!"

"Iruka-sensei told me to highlight parts I understand in yellow and the parts I don't in pink. Heh... there's a lot I don't understand right now..."

"Naruto... that is an ancient volume on sealing... that you are _coloring_ in."

"I'm not coloring, I'm _highlighting_ – there's a difference. When I'm done, I take the book to Iruka-sensei and he'll help me with the parts I don't understand."

"That's for Academy textbooks! _Not_ ancient texts! You're ruining it!"

"It's my book! Pervert Sage gave it to me! I can do what I want with it!"

"I have to read it too! And how can you pass a book like this on to your descendants? It looks like you dropped it into two different buckets of paint! Haven't you heard of notes? You can do whatever you want to your own notes!"

"It's my book – Pervert Sage said it was mine now! I'm not even going to let you read it!"

"Maybe we can salvage this... you're only finishing chapter one... maybe Iruka-sensei knows an erasing jutsu or something. _Give me those_!"

"Hey! As future Hokage and leader of Clan Uzumaki I order you to return my highlighters!"

"I will not allow you to desecrate this book any longer! In the name of fine literature, I will punish you!"

*THWACK* *SMACK* *THUD* *WHAM* *THUNK* *CRASH* *BANG* *BOOM*

"M-mY... hIghLiGhtErs...oog..."

"Can't _believe_ I have to... honestly...raised in a damn _barn_..."

"G-giMmEe bAcK my bo-oOk...mrgle..." * _twitchtwitch_ *

"Hey Tenten. What's up—uh, what happened to Naruto?"

"He... he... ARGH. _Look_!"

"Is that..."

"Ah-huh."

"In _that._.."

"Ah-huh."

"NA-RU-TO!"

"A-aS fuTuRe Ho-hO-ho-...hOKagE, I-I o-orDer You-"

"Excuse me?"

"-I-I bEg yOu t-tO sPaRe mY liFe?"

"Much better."

"...oog... bIrdiEs...PreTty..."

"C'mon, Tenten. Iruka-sensei should be able to help. Back in second year, he managed to get glue and paint out of his lesson planner after Naruto thought ruining it meant no classes for the day."

"Oh good. But, um, maybe I should help-"

"Oh no, leave him. He'll be fine in an hour. The Kyuubi is pretty good about de-tangling and straightening his limbs before healing them."

"Good to know."

"...urg..."

* * *

 **End**

* * *

Quick hint – it's not the Sailor Moon quote. Or anything Naruto says while under the influence of being beaten halfway to Hades with his own arms. Or a sledgehammer. Really, you can decide for yourself what Tenten used – it must have been heavy and painful, s'all I know...


	14. Seals Test 23

**Title:** Seals Test #23

 **Word Count** : 471

 **Notes:** Crayontesla asked for a ficbit about seals. I admit to knowing very little about how Kishimoto went about explaining seals, and therefore, I made up my own theory. Which means it likely doesn't make any sense, but hopefully the humor makes up for that.

* * *

 **Seals Test #23**

* * *

The silence of the beautifully crisp morning was suddenly shattered by an explosion. It was a small one mind you, compared to some of the explosions the owner of this particular home had caused over the two months, but it was a different one. This one was bigger, for one thing. It also changed the landscape of two backyards – Naruto, in uprooting a giant oak tree into the air, and Sasuke's, by replanting it leaf-side down when it landed in his.

Naruto stumbled back into the training hall, sliding the side door shut against the smoke that tried to trail after him. Coughing and gagging, he fell to his hands and knees, sternly ordering his lungs to do their Kami-given function and _work god dammit._

Something hacked its way out of his throat and on to the floor. Naruto groggily opened his eyes and saw a tiny, wadded up bit of paper. Ah. So that was what he'd inhaled.

"So can you tell me where you went wrong this time?" Tenten was obviously fighting not to giggle out loud, and the resulting facial twitches made her look like she was trying to hold back vomit.

"Need a seven point surrounding seal, not a five point." Naruto coughed again, and another little bit of tag paper was spat free. "Oh, come on." He ran his tongue over the roof his mouth in disgust.

"And why seven instead of five?"

Naruto glared at his sister-slash-seals tutor. "Because it wasn't strong enough."

"Why?'

"You sound like a two year old." Naruto pushed himself up and flung himself back against the wall.

"Why, why, why, why, why?" Tenten taunted him, reaching out to ruffle his filthy hair.

"Because the explosive power needed to blow up the tree was greater than what the five point seal could hold. And because it was being contained too tightly, it changed the detonation pattern."

"Which is why instead of blowing up a section of the ground outwards, the explosion went underground. And your tree went into Sasuke's backyard."

Naruto couldn't hold back a giggle. "Ah, we'll just ask Yamato-sensei to help us replant it."

"I don't think that's your biggest problem," Tenten said with a wide grin, staring out the screen doors.

Naruto blinked but before he could ask, he heard a very loud, very angry, " _NA-RU-TO_!" and suddenly, looming out of the gloom that was dust and falling soil from the explosion, was a very dirty and leaf-covered Sasuke.

Tenten covered her mouth and stepped back. "I think Sasuke was training back there."

Naruto's eyes widened in terror and with a ' _meep_ ', he shunshinned out of the house just as Sasuke punched his way through the doors. He shot a LOOK at Tenten who waved and pointed towards the front door. Sasuke nodded and, Sharingan whirling, was gone with a snarling cry of, "We're having fox-chops for dinner!"

"MEEEEP!"

* * *

 **End**

* * *

Run Naruto, run! You've soiled the almighty training clothes of the fussbucket Sasuke! Run for your life!

...why do I see Lee joining Naruto thinking he's participating in a youthful competition, and Naruto trying to drive him off while trying to keep Sasuke from nabbing him for a smack-down?


End file.
